[ Given his mood that night, the last thing she wants is to encourage the wrong attitude, but she's aware that it's always better to know, if one can. For better or worse. ]
Yes. More than once, unfortunately. It is good that you weren't taken there. Death roamed those floors.
What do you mean, different places? What have you seen?
I was trying to stay in my apartment, but then I was somewhere else, or thought I was? I need to talk to some people. I don't know what was real or in my head.
I'm okay now.
[ Because even if he's being honest, he wants to smooth it over, not make a deal out of it. Like something that might be still troubling him now. ]
[ The offer makes Robby pause, have to read it again, and think about it. He knows he won't talk: he doesn't even know how to verbalise, let alone write what it is that he went through, and what would come from sharing? And to an acquaintance--it's too much, in many ways. ]
[ These are the sorts of things she can’t press on and never would without reason, but then she is also in no hurry. ]
I recall that when I first began seeing things that others could not, I prayed to have someone I might speak to so that I could understand, only it seemed impossible. I was young, younger than you, and so afraid of what I might hear in return, or what might happen.
[ He sees the point in what she shares, although--it reminds him of something else, of maybe what's life in general: feeling alone, unable to speak out. Even if for him, he never worried about what might happen or what he might hear.
He always assumed indifference. But then, he never grew up with the supernatural. ]
[ That is a consideration. Those who did find out thought they could, once they understood it themselves, but even the doctor at the asylum had cut out the wrong part of her ...Had Joan come closest? She had been too terrified to really try.
There's a generous pause before continuing. Not the inspiring pep talk he deserves. ]
No. I suppose not. No one else could possibly know what it was like.
I once thought that the worst of the curse had been left beyond the barriers of the City, but I am still learning more about myself, it would seem.
I have never spoken to another who also experienced such things on their own.
[ It takes Robby a moment, too, to read what's been sent. A topic he's unfamiliar with, and his own mind still feeling like it's been made into a jack-in-a-box, or recovering from being turned into one: wound up, over and over. ]
I'm sorry. Your situation sounds worse. [ He goes back and forth on what to say, before: ] I put myself through it. I chose to stick with it was bad. Because we knew it would be bad. But the university was trying to make people kill each other too. I didn't want to go.
[ So he was stubborn. So he stuck it out. So he hoped that the moments that seemed real weren't, buried his head, has messages he still needs to send and figure out.
He wants to bury his head, but he'll try not to. ]
It doesn't sound like you got a choice. About your curse. [ ... ] Do you see ghosts?
[ How much of a choice any of it was may be debatable. ]
I do not need any of that to believe that you aren't responsible for anything that has occurred. Our captor would likely have attempted some torment no matter what was done. It does not mean we should ever cease our defiance.
On the mere chance that it was some sort of repurcussion, then that would not be a bad thing. It would mean that we are capable of upsetting them. That's an advantage.
[ So, not like Miu, and Robby doesn't want to make any other comparisons, doesn't want to ask what it's like to see such things. His own worn mind gives him the answer: too much. ]
Someone able to exercise so much power should have trouble comprehending how anyone could continue to defy them. No doubt they believe that we can only last for so long before we bend to their will.
They would likely speak through action, as you fear. But that is better than nothing happening on our action, to be silently wasting away into nothingness.
What you attempted was not reckless, by any measure.
[ It's not a straightforward consideration. This alone might not set Robby's belief of how he should continue onward (what can he handle? what is he willing to risk?), but a lot of what Miss Ives says, more poetic than he, vibes with him. The reason that he put together the rebel party: the desire to defy. To test the ones testing them, to see what they will do. To give others the incentive to do something instead of choosing nothing.
The question of his personal strength (or, his ability to endure) is still on the table, but if he's honest with himself? ]
That's what I want to do. I don't want to play by their rules. I still don't.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yes. More than once, unfortunately. It is good that you weren't taken there. Death roamed those floors.
What do you mean, different places? What have you seen?
no subject
I was trying to stay in my apartment, but then I was somewhere else, or thought I was? I need to talk to some people. I don't know what was real or in my head.
I'm okay now.
[ Because even if he's being honest, he wants to smooth it over, not make a deal out of it. Like something that might be still troubling him now. ]
no subject
I am listening.
[ Figuratively speaking. ]
If you wish to talk.
no subject
I'll remember if I need to. Thanks.
no subject
[ These are the sorts of things she can’t press on and never would without reason, but then she is also in no hurry. ]
I recall that when I first began seeing things that others could not, I prayed to have someone I might speak to so that I could understand, only it seemed impossible. I was young, younger than you, and so afraid of what I might hear in return, or what might happen.
no subject
He always assumed indifference. But then, he never grew up with the supernatural. ]
Did you ever find anyone?
no subject
[ That is a consideration. Those who did find out thought they could, once they understood it themselves, but even the doctor at the asylum had cut out the wrong part of her ...Had Joan come closest? She had been too terrified to really try.
There's a generous pause before continuing. Not the inspiring pep talk he deserves. ]
No. I suppose not. No one else could possibly know what it was like.
I once thought that the worst of the curse had been left beyond the barriers of the City, but I am still learning more about myself, it would seem.
I have never spoken to another who also experienced such things on their own.
no subject
I'm sorry. Your situation sounds worse. [ He goes back and forth on what to say, before: ] I put myself through it. I chose to stick with it was bad. Because we knew it would be bad. But the university was trying to make people kill each other too. I didn't want to go.
[ So he was stubborn. So he stuck it out. So he hoped that the moments that seemed real weren't, buried his head, has messages he still needs to send and figure out.
He wants to bury his head, but he'll try not to. ]
It doesn't sound like you got a choice. About your curse. [ ... ] Do you see ghosts?
no subject
[ How much of a choice any of it was may be debatable. ]
I do not need any of that to believe that you aren't responsible for anything that has occurred. Our captor would likely have attempted some torment no matter what was done. It does not mean we should ever cease our defiance.
On the mere chance that it was some sort of repurcussion, then that would not be a bad thing. It would mean that we are capable of upsetting them. That's an advantage.
no subject
Upsetting them until they speak?
[ Or meet their limit for defiance. ]
no subject
They would likely speak through action, as you fear. But that is better than nothing happening on our action, to be silently wasting away into nothingness.
What you attempted was not reckless, by any measure.
no subject
The question of his personal strength (or, his ability to endure) is still on the table, but if he's honest with himself? ]
That's what I want to do. I don't want to play by their rules. I still don't.
[ Even after everything. ]
no subject
If you could learn one thing only about what you have seen, what you have suffered, what would it be?
no subject
I'm not sure.
no subject
no subject
I could find out what everyone else who took part experienced?